Training Children To Sit In Church
As our church has placed a renewed emphasis on the family coming to church together, we thought it would be helpful to give some practical tips on how to train young children to sit through church. The list is by no means comprehensive, but I do think parents will find it helpful. I do not write as one who has arrived in any sense of the word, only one that is in the middle of training kids myself.
(1) Practice ‘church’ during the week.
We should not expect our kiddos to randomly attain an ability that we have never taught them at home or enforced. Practicing times of sitting still (expecting much trial and error) will precede your child knowing how to sit still, and eventually doing it. If you enroll your child in a sport, you wouldn’t skip each practice and then just show up to the first game (well, I hope you wouldn’t!) Don’t expect church to be different in this regard.
(2) Talk to your children before service and communicate your expectations.
You will need to tell your kids what you expect from them during a church service, and you will need to tell them many times. This is not too large of a burden on our part. Whatever is important to us as it concerns the training of our children, we will emphasize to them repeatedly. I assume that everyone with young children reading this has said more than once “Don’t play in the street.” As you should.
(3) Tell your children what is going on in each part of the service.
I think one of the best ways to keep your children as involved as possible is to constantly let them know what is going on - because let’s be honest, they won’t know if no one tells them. Now, how and when you do this will depend on the ages of your children. But I think it is worth a try. Whispering things like “This is the part where we pray together as a church...this is called baptism…let’s try our best to sing this song…this is the part where mommy and daddy take communion” and answering follow-up questions is a powerful way to communicate to your kids that they are supposed to be here.
(4) Use the children’s sermon note sheets.
Some children may use these to write notes from the sermon, and younger children can be taught to draw a picture from something talked about in the sermon. Whatever the case, these are not provided as scratch pads to distract the kids from the gathering, but as bridges to engage them.
(5) Be faithful to each service.
If you try to attend a church gathering with your children every once in a while, the children will not see it as a regular rhythm and routine in your life. You are subtly communicating to them that it is not important to you, or necessary for their well-being. Practically, they will not get as much practice at sitting still as if you bring them to each meeting. So they won’t do as well in their behavior, and it would be silly to expect otherwise.
(6) Raise your tolerance level for discomfort.
It can be awkward to get onto our squirming kids (trust me, I know). It can be uncomfortable to remove them from the service (done that too) especially if they are crying or being loud (yeah…been there). With all due respect, this is something Christian parents have to get over if they want their kids to experience church. We tolerate different levels of discomfort based on what we value more than comfort. For instance, I don’t enjoy the pain or cost of getting a root canal, but I have. Why? Because I valued my teeth being whole and the comfort that would come on the other side of getting the procedure more than I valued the temporary comfort of not having my teeth worked on. You should be more worried about raising children who don’t attend worship with the gathered church than the discomfort of a side eye when you take a child out of the sanctuary.
(7) Pray for your children to engage the church gathering as much as possible.
Is something you should really pray for? Yes, you should. If we need God’s help in anything, we pray. If something is important to us, we pray. Our children’s ability to sit through church as their age and development allow is important, and we definitely need God’s help. So pray.
(1) Practice ‘church’ during the week.
We should not expect our kiddos to randomly attain an ability that we have never taught them at home or enforced. Practicing times of sitting still (expecting much trial and error) will precede your child knowing how to sit still, and eventually doing it. If you enroll your child in a sport, you wouldn’t skip each practice and then just show up to the first game (well, I hope you wouldn’t!) Don’t expect church to be different in this regard.
(2) Talk to your children before service and communicate your expectations.
You will need to tell your kids what you expect from them during a church service, and you will need to tell them many times. This is not too large of a burden on our part. Whatever is important to us as it concerns the training of our children, we will emphasize to them repeatedly. I assume that everyone with young children reading this has said more than once “Don’t play in the street.” As you should.
(3) Tell your children what is going on in each part of the service.
I think one of the best ways to keep your children as involved as possible is to constantly let them know what is going on - because let’s be honest, they won’t know if no one tells them. Now, how and when you do this will depend on the ages of your children. But I think it is worth a try. Whispering things like “This is the part where we pray together as a church...this is called baptism…let’s try our best to sing this song…this is the part where mommy and daddy take communion” and answering follow-up questions is a powerful way to communicate to your kids that they are supposed to be here.
(4) Use the children’s sermon note sheets.
Some children may use these to write notes from the sermon, and younger children can be taught to draw a picture from something talked about in the sermon. Whatever the case, these are not provided as scratch pads to distract the kids from the gathering, but as bridges to engage them.
(5) Be faithful to each service.
If you try to attend a church gathering with your children every once in a while, the children will not see it as a regular rhythm and routine in your life. You are subtly communicating to them that it is not important to you, or necessary for their well-being. Practically, they will not get as much practice at sitting still as if you bring them to each meeting. So they won’t do as well in their behavior, and it would be silly to expect otherwise.
(6) Raise your tolerance level for discomfort.
It can be awkward to get onto our squirming kids (trust me, I know). It can be uncomfortable to remove them from the service (done that too) especially if they are crying or being loud (yeah…been there). With all due respect, this is something Christian parents have to get over if they want their kids to experience church. We tolerate different levels of discomfort based on what we value more than comfort. For instance, I don’t enjoy the pain or cost of getting a root canal, but I have. Why? Because I valued my teeth being whole and the comfort that would come on the other side of getting the procedure more than I valued the temporary comfort of not having my teeth worked on. You should be more worried about raising children who don’t attend worship with the gathered church than the discomfort of a side eye when you take a child out of the sanctuary.
(7) Pray for your children to engage the church gathering as much as possible.
Is something you should really pray for? Yes, you should. If we need God’s help in anything, we pray. If something is important to us, we pray. Our children’s ability to sit through church as their age and development allow is important, and we definitely need God’s help. So pray.
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