The Art of Disagreeing

Gavin Ortlund's The Art of Disagreeing is our June book of the month. I wanted to give our church family an excerpt of this helpful work, which you will find below. More copies will be available this Sunday for $9.
 
"The need to learn the art of disagreeing well is an especially poignant challenge for those of us who are followers of Christ, because failure in this area often discredits our witness to the gospel. In John 13, Jesus taught that it is our love (not our gifts or resources) that will ultimately gain the notice of the world: “By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another” (John 13:35). Four chapters later, in his famous high-priestly prayer, he prayed for our unity with a view to how this impacts the surrounding world: “… that they may all be one, just as you, Father, are in me, and I in you, that they also may be in us, so that the world may believe that you have sent me” (17:21).

The simple lesson is this: how we Christians treat each other matters. The world is watching. When we conduct disagreements without love and without appreciation of our broader unity, we become a hindrance to the gospel. We put a stumbling block before the watching world. That is the challenge. Yet, at the very same time, our disagreements present us with an opportunity. If we can learn how to love each other amid our differences, our very disagreements can commend the reality of Christ to those around us.

The stakes really are that high. How we disagree affects eternal souls. No wonder that Paul addressed a disagreement among early Christians that had led to a strained relationship by urging the two people involved to “agree in the Lord” (Philippians 4:2). To how many Christians today would Paul have to give the same appeal?

I remember hearing about a football team in which the wide receivers and the running backs were having a disagreement. The wide receivers thought the team were running the ball too much. The running backs thought they were passing too much. The disagreement turned into rivalry, then pranks, and then sabotaging one another. Trust fell apart, and the team lost games as a result.

This is a tragic illustration of what too often happens in the church. When our disagreements go sour, it impedes our larger mission. The gospel itself is affected. I especially grieve at the testimonies I hear from younger people of how lovelessness in the church has complicated their perception of Christianity.

Imagine a better scenario. Picture a large family gathered around the table at Thanksgiving. The meal is over. Chairs are pushed back, and conversation naturally turns to a topic of deep-seated disagreement. Yet the discussion proceeds without painful anxiety or personal acrimony. Points are argued vigorously but without shouting or disdain. There is a feeling of freedom—even at times a kind of joy. When all is said and done, the disagreements remain—but so do the friendships. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to be a part of more conversations like this?"